What should I do?

Maybe I should just give up.
Now that I've waited this long, it's been taken to another level.
Although it's almost time, I fear it's already too late.
I do not want to lose, I really don't, but there is only so much I can do.
Even if I did make my move, I'm very scared of the feeling of failure.

Should I just move on?
You would say I should, but this is the one thing that I truly care about.
This is the first time that I got this feeling of not wanting to lose it.
I can't just sit here and do nothing, or I will hate myself forever.
But if I fail, I will hate the obstacle instead.
Will I ever overcome this obstacle, and my own barrier made of fear...

In the Summertime...

It's been quite some time now.
I've been trying so hard, and yet I can't seem to make it.
It's not that I don't want to, I just can't, dumb obstacles.
Even if I find the chance, will I be brave enough to do it?
Will I be able to handle it?

More and more obstacles comes with every second I waste.
It seems like if I don't make my move, I will lose my chance forever.
It's not that I want to wait, there are just too many obligations.
Something else happened while I wait.
And if I wait any longer, I'm afraid I will really lose my chance.

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Okay above is only my rant, decipher the meaning if you can.

Nothing much has happened. College life is getting busier by the day. Assignments will be piling up on me soon.

It's been 2 weeks, and Leanne will leave back to Japan, and then to the States, in another 2 weeks. It hurts me to think about it, if I could I really wouldn't want her to leave, as it will be another year until I can see her again. I need to make the most out of time while she is still here =)

I finally got the song Summertime by New Kids On The Block (Thanks Myuu =D). It's real good, can't live a day without listening to it. Further new additions to my playlist will be Should've Said No and Tim McGraw by Taylor Swift.

"I think about you in the Summertime,
and all the good times we've had baby.
Been a few years and I cant deny,
the thought of you still makes me crazy.
I think about you in the Summertime,
I'm sittin' here in the sun, with you on my mind.
You are, my Summertime" - Summertime by New Kids On The Block

"And I'm back for the first time since then, I'm standing on your street.
There's a letter left on your doorstep and the first thing that you'll read.
Is when you think Tim McGraw, I hope you think my favorite song.
Someday you'll turn your radio on, I hope it takes you back to that place.
When you think happiness, I hope you think that little black dress.
Think of my head on your chest, and my old faded blue jeans.
When you think Tim McGraw, I hope you think of me" - Tim McGraw by Taylor Swift

"You said the way my blue eyes shined,
put those Georgia stars to shame that night,
I said that's a lie" - Tim McGraw by Taylor Swift

Sea of sorrow, filled with regret.

Why did I ever do what I did?
I was only trying to vent my frustrations, but I ended up making things worse.
So much for making my presence felt, ended up with nothing but regret.
I'm now drowned upon a river of sorrow.

I knew I was very close at one point, something got in the way.
And when I thought I got even closer, someone got in the way.
The feeling overcame my heart, I did the one thing I shouldn't have done.
One bad decision, one wrong move, that's all it takes.

Now that I did what I did, what else can I do?
If I could turn back time, would I have done something better?
If I were given a chance, I will make sure I treasure it.
The only problem is, I'm sure it's too late now.

How could I have did it without thinking of the consequences?
I got blinded by the feeling, which I don't enjoy at all.
It's obviously too late to regret now that it's all said and done.
What can I do now? Hope for the best? Why don't you tell me.

I've been trying to search for salvation with no luck.
And when I thought I've finally found it, I messed up.
The only thing that I truly care about more than anything.
I beg for forgiveness.

Just an update

Nothing much have happened hence I have nothing interesting to write here. Out of boredom I decided to write something.

First thing, I have busted the camera in my phone. Took a nasty fall, and it goes down. This is the 2nd time it got busted and it cost me RM100 for the repairs last time. Guess I'll just have to cough the money up again. Geez.

I'm still searching for the Balisong and so far, I've got no luck. I would really appreciate help in finding it, preferably just give me the exact location where you are sure it is available. I do not want counterfeit ones, which are usually cheap but breaks easily due to the cheap materials too. I am willing to pay up to RM50 for it.

Leanne is back in Malaysia! Just went for lunch and a movie with her and her bro and Eric. It's been a year since I last saw her and she's still the same. Always the lovely and energetic girl. Love love <3 =) Sadly since my phone camera got busted I cant take any pictures.

Thats it I suppose, nothing much to say, unless you want to hear all the boring stories which can make you fall asleep.

What makes a weapon deadly? It's user.

This here is called a Balisong, or butterfly knife in english. Its a folding pocket knife from Philippines. As so the Spy's main weapon for backstabs in Team Fortress 2. Looking at him flicking the knife whenever I want to use it makes me think they look cool. So I did a little research. It's very historical, according to Wikipedia, they were used in duel's over matters of honor, though such practices has been discontinues for decades.

I've been looking for it for quite some time now. I know its illegal to own sharp objects and carrying it around in Malaysia, let alone a knife, which can be used as a weapon, but I just want to own one for the sake of it's coolness, and who knows if I can use it for self protection, right? Injuring people as an act of self defense is not punishable by law.

I've also found a cool site dedicated to this knife. There are also video demonstration of the knife usage and freestyle knife play. Here it is

http://www.balisongxtreme.com/index.htm

This site will also be posted on the links part, to the left of this blog.

I really want to have one, if any of my readers knows where I can get one, do tell me, I will appreciate the help. =D

Pictures from The Orange Box Party

This post will only consist of pictures from The Orange Box Party, 7th-8th June 2008YOUR Clan
LYN++ Team A vs. LYN++ Team B
1st round against kHz. Middle sitting row from left to right: Ryuuzaki, Razer Cicak, Me, Bobohead1988, Agent Fruitloops and Lexitachi. (The chick behind me plays cs and screams with the highest tone you can imagine)
Against team PT*
Final showdown against kHz
We've evened the odds. Screamed out loud.
Final discussion before sudden death. Frostfire and Maxpower looks on.
Game ended. We lost. Congratulating handshakes to kHzLYN++ Team B: 5th runner up
Team PT* : 2nd runner up. Posing with the Team Fortress 2 poster
LYN++ Team A : 1st runner up
Team kHz : Champion
LYN++ [A] and [B], PT* and kHz group photo
LYN++ A and B. With our supporters Prawnie and the boss who secretly supported us.

The Orange Box Party, Subang Parade, 8th June

The 2nd day of the Team Fortress 2 Tournament, I got there about 11.30 am, just about the time for Team B to face one of the most feared opponents, Team PT*

Team B fought valiantly, but ultimately, the victory still belongs to PT* as Team B still needs to improve their coordination and class specific abilities. Then PT* faced off against DESU, which is a one-sided battle as their opponents aren't really good.

Then, me and my team, LYN++ [A] face off against PT* which will determine who will be in the grand finals against kHz. We were defending very well, though we lost the first stage pretty quickly, we managed to defend the second stage, which gives them 3 points. We are now on the attacking side, all it takes is a tiny mistake for us to bag the game. We captured all 3 stages, thus advancing us to the finals against kHz for the 2nd time in 2 days.

We were determined to defeat kHz this time around. Although we lost 1 point in the first half, we managed to even the odds in the 2nd half. Having a tie, the match goes into sudden death, where the first team to score a point wins. A little mistake while defending killed me, and ultimately the entire team, leaving our control points open, and we lost. I blame myself partially for this loss, but I still think in terms of skill, both teams are evenly matched.

So, team A got 2nd place, and team B came in 5th, winning RM300 and RM100 respectively. Even though this being my first tournament, the fact that my team are able to advance to the finals makes me very proud of myself, and to my ever so wonderful friends. Thank you guys, I've had a wonderful time and experience. Let us look forward to the next tournament together as a team. Glory LYN++

Credits to:
Lexi@Kingdance & Fruitloops : Best pair of Soldiers
Razer Cicak : Smartest and fastest Scout
Ryuuzaki : Most accurate Demoman, medic killer
Bobohead1988 : The Heavy guardian of Medic and control points
Myself : The best and most coward medic ever

LYN++ Team B : Johnners, Frostfire, Jas2davir, Pure. , Lodeclaw, Radkiller

Not to forget, our supporters, Prawnie, Sizzlingnoodl3s and our clan founder, TomatomanzSeedlezz.

Valve : For providing such a wonderful game
War.Mart : Provider of computers
GameAxis : Media sponsor
CoolerMaster, Ban Leong Technologies, E-Club Malaysia & Asian Cyber Games : Sponsors